48 more hours, then I would be leaving on a jet plane. Leaving for a place where my life is going to change forever and never going be the same...ever again. But inside of me, I am not at all feeling any different. For me it seems to be just another place where I am going like so many times before and I will start afresh. Life won't be any different.
But experienced others are telling me it is going to change. I can feel their emotions. I can feel my mother's palpable concern for me and also her grief. I wish there was something I could do something about it, but this is a decision I made - there will be casualties in the way, but I hope I make it worth those sacrifices people are making for me.
On this last day, I sit here writing my blog for the last time in my home country for a long time to come, and I wonder. I wonder how things used to be, how life has never been complicated for me ever. I wonder how life might be in the future, my expectations, my dreams, my aspirations, my fears - so many versions of the future playing in my mind. It is funny....I think about how I had pictured my future in the past and how things actually worked out.
On this last day, I still am wondering how am I to say my goodbyes. It is not like I am going away forever and won't be seeing them ever again. But something inside me tells me to say proper goodbyes. I have always been good at goodbyes. Lets hope I succeed this time too. Said so many goodbyes during the last few days in Kharagpur that it doesn't feel like a big deal anymore...not with the advancement in communication systems nowadays. It doesnt feel like making a big difference if we are a state apart or a continent apart. But ask any sane person and he/she would say that distance matters a lot.
On this last day, I pray for a future closer to my aspirations, I pray for happiness, and I pray life doesn't change very much and I can still be the kid I always have :)
Or is this last day I am a kid? Is this childhood's end? Is it time to grow up?
1 comment:
leaving schhol was difficult..joining college away from parents was even more difficult...leaving college is much more difficult..the next phase in life as it seems will be most difficult...sento stuff potty..never once in kgp i thought of u as a sento and deep thinking person as ur blog reflects...treasure ur past and enjoy it...no one can demand a future or keep time stagnant...change is inevitable...all said...here is my conclusion....the potty we know will enjoy and be happy wherever he goes..fighting through the situation and standing up...hehe..enjoy the Virgin college.."May the force be with you" :)
Post a Comment